Alone forever?
by animeabby97
Summary: Roxas lost Axel when he was very young... now he has given up everything to go find him. His pain is real and many tears and adventure procede.
1. alone

It's the worst feeling you could ever have… Separation. Being told you will never see him again. It makes you mad with anger, sadness, and fear all at the same time. The heart seems to break into two, but while it breaks small slivers break off and fall away. No amount of healing can bring it all together again. It will always be jagged. My heart was broken like this… He left me at a long time ago, when I was 10 years old. He never told me where he was to go, or when he would be back. Even at such a young age I knew he was more than a friend to me. My name is Roxas. I am now 17 years old and a traveler jumping trains and traveling with whoever I can find. The only reason why I left my town was to find him. Axel, the boy I lost long ago. I still remember his face, his hair, and everything about him. I still held on to a small sliver of hope that I could find him.

"Boy, you should be in school! Get some smarts in that head of yours! Don't want to end up in the circus like all of us, do ya?"

"No sir. The thing I'm doing now though is more important to me." I answered the ringleader.

"Arggg. You should go to school if your daft enough to think traveling's more important than school!"

I was now traveling with a circus heading to Tokyo. I had been traveling for 5 years now… No sight of Axel. But people have told me they have seen a red haired, green eyed man around in Japan, so I know he is still here. People would ask me why I was looking for him and I would just reply "He is a friend". It almost as painful telling so many lies to get where I needed. This ringleader thought I was traveling to see the world…. I needed some form of truth. To tell myself that I was still myself. The only way I could do that was keep my name. It wasn't much but it was something. Roxas, that would always be me, no matter what. At this point it wasn't an option to give up, or not find Axel. I had given up everything to find him. My family, my friends, my house, and my schooling were all gone. Of course without Axel I felt like my soul was ripped in two, and was still being ripped up. So either way I would lose. I could never win…

I was now in Tokyo. The landscape was almost like hope pouring out of a fire. So many buildings, it would be one of the most likely places to find axel. The only problem was looking through all the people who lived here… I was tired from my long walk here so I found a hotel and slept. The sleep a deep dreamful, playful, and hopeful sleep. Maybe just maybe I could find him.

I had been in Tokyo for almost 7 weeks now with no prevail. Today was the day I am going to leave. I had found a caravan of people traveling north. They said they had room for one more person. I said my goodbyes to the city, just yet another home I have to leave…

"Mama! I heard there is a strange man with spikey red hair at the docks! Apparently he is crazy or something!" Said the little girl I was traveling with.

"Honey it not nice to call people crazy." Replied her mother.

"The red haired man, where was he! At the Tokyo dock?" I yelled at her.

"MOMMY! THE BOY IS SCARING ME!" The child cried.

"Tell me! Tell me now!" I just screamed at her more

"Yes. At the Tokyo docks…" She whimpered back.

I started to run out of there but I was stopped.

"Young man! If you leave we won't wait for you!" Called the child's father

"Sir Xemnas, I have to go… This is important!" I called back.

Now I ran as fast as I could! My breathe coming out in short stabbing puffs. Could it really be him? This person I've been looking for could be right near me? It's taking my breath away just thinking about how it could be if we were back together. Approaching the docks, shaking hard with every breath; I feel as if this could be it! I'm here at the docks now, looking around for Axel. AH! The only ship is just pulling out of the docks! On the deck… AXEL! There is a long dock jetting out into the ocean. It's my only hope!

"Axel! Axel do you remember me? Axel I'm down here!" I scream hysterically.

He looked around like a fool for a moment and then yelled back,

"R-Roxas? What in god's name are you doing here?"

"I came for you! Axel where have you been? Where are you going?" I cried out.

"Roxas… This ship is leaving for France! Roxas you need to forget about me and go on with your life!"

What was he talking about? Forget him? That was impossible! I had a short amount of time to get onto that ship; the dock was running out…

"Axel that will never happen! I'm getting on your ship one way or another! Get ready because I'm jumping!"

"Roxas no!" Axel shouted as soon as I jumped.

The jump had to be high and far to get to the first deck railing. I miss judged it on a small factor… I was falling I would end up in the sea! I would have to search all over for Axel again! RIPPPP! The pain in my fingers was excruciating.

"ROXAS YOU IDIOT! You can't just jump like that! You could have killed yourself!" Axel yelled at me.

I was handing on to his hand with all my might. He was trying to pull me up but the rail kept him from that. He was slipping over the rail himself…

"Axel... France you said? Do you know what city?" I said calmly to him.

"City? Roxas don't worry about that now! Worry about your life!" He replied shakily back.

"What city?"

"Paris…"

"Let me go Axel. I'll be fine. I will see you in Paris." I said calmly even though I knew I might never see him again…

"Roxas…." He almost whimpered

"Let go."

"Goodbye…"

He let go. I fell farther then I've ever even thought possible. I then realized I needed to tell him something!

"AXEL! I L-"

I hit the water before I could finish. A deep black over took me and my body shut down.

I awoke on a beach that I recognized as one a little more south from Tokyo. I had lost Axel yet again! Were we not meant to be together? Was all my hard work just for nothing? Should I have let him fall into the ocean with me? Then we could at least be together… No. It was dangerous. I could have died. I would hate myself for ever if I ever caused Axel to die! Now I was alone once again. No person could fill my heart like it was last night…

"Sir? Are you ok? You look like you went through a hurricane! May I help you at all?" Said an un-familiar voice behind me.

"Hnnn? Who are you? I am Roxas." I replied to the strange voice.

"My name is Kairi… Please let me help you inside! My house is right over there!" This girl named Kairi explained.

"Well fine as long as you tell me… What is the quickest way to Paris, France?" I bargained.

"AH! Paris! I'm going there in 8 weeks! If you can wait I'm sure my uncle would be willing to take you with us!" Kairi said a little too cheerfully, and held out her hand to me to help me up.

"Well I may have to take you on that offer." I said grabbing her hand. This grasp, I knew it symbolized something Interesting was going to happen.


	2. dreams

I have to say Kairi was almost OVERLY cheerful. At least it helped me mend the pieces of my heart that I could find. The only part of my heart I couldn't find was Axel's part. He had grabbed my fingers on the boat but I feel like somehow he grabbed my heart well. The strain must have ripped it in two. The only way I could get that part back was to find Axel. In till then Axel would have to take care of it himself. I trusted him with that. The weeks flew by in a schedule. Kairi would go do her morning chores and I would sit by the sea thinking of a plan. At lunch I would then go make a packable lunch that we could take on the boat. Yes, boat. It was a fishing boat that every day Kairi and I would go fishing. Then in the late afternoon we would go to the market and I would help her sell the fish. After all our hard work we would spend twilight on the beach with a big bon-fire, eating the delicious feast Kairi would prepare. On those nights I would let my mind wander. What would happen if I just stayed here with Kairi? What if I gave up on Axel like he suggested? What if I got to France and didn't find him? Then the scariest of all, What if I really do find him?

The Lull of that schedule was broken by the 5th week. One morning I awoke to find Kairi was taking her "day off." I decided to just go sit on the beach. As I was sitting I was trying to sort out my thoughts.

"What are you thinking about Roxas?" Kairi said in the most sincere voice I've heard come from her mouth.

"Do you ever think we are reborn? And punished for our crimes in the past?" I asked her.

"Yes… In fact I know this. I am punished for being obsessed with someone in my past. Now I can't remember who he is. All I do remember is I love him and that will never change."

"Then I must have been leaving the people a lot. Now I'm being punished by getting my love taken away." I said in a solemn voice.

We sat there in silence for a long time. The sun finally set and we didn't feel like getting up and building a fire. We didn't feel like moving at all. We Finally just decided to sleep there on the beach.

"Roxas, don't leave me. Ok?" Kairi whispered as she fell asleep.

"Don't worry… I won't leave you." I replied.

I held onto her hand and finally fell into a deep sleep.

Waking up to yelling is not fun. I woke drowsy and dry from sleeping on the bare sand. The voices I heard were angry and stressed. I started to hear what they were saying.

"Uncle Saix! It's not that! He is just a really close friend! I told him not to leave me! I am usually alone here! Do you know how hard that is? Well do you?" Kairi was shouting.

"Boys will dis-honor you! You know that he is not the right one! The right one is in Paris remember?" This man called "Saix" screamed right back at her.

"I know that! This boy is only my friend! He is coming with us to Paris! God, it's like you don't want me to have any friends!" Kairi screamed and ran off.

"That girl…" Saix then walked off to a cart that had just appeared.

The right one what was he talking about? What did he think Kairi and I were? We are just friends. I sat up and wondered. Was this the man we were going to Paris with? If he was I was glad I had Kairi!

"Hey you boy! Stand! What's your name?" Barked Saix

"A-Ah! My name is Roxas, Sir." I replied shakily

"Stay away from Kairi." He then walked off into Kairi's house.

Great. First impression on my friend's father? Just great.

It was time to leave. Saix had agreed to let me tag along as long as I stayed not to close to Kairi. We packed up the cart of goods Saix had brought on to the fishing boat and were out to sea faster than you could say sea salt ice cream 3 times! The air was crisp and salty. It made me wonder how long this journey would take. On a map Japan was separated from France by America, and Canada or South America or by Russia, Africa, and parts of Europe. Which way would we go? Which way would keep me from Axel? How long would the journey be?

"Saix where are we going?" I questioned after my curiosity bubbled up.

"Well we will follow the map into the Indian Ocean, follow canals to the Mediterranean Sea out all the way to Spain, then finally float up The North Atlantic and cross into France. Last part is taking a train to Paris. This will take us 2 weeks at least…" He replied.

"Ah." Was all I could say.

He had it all planed out. This journey of mine seemed like it would be never ending. The first land stop was going to be Somalia. Calm settled over us. The waves gently breaking against the ship made a calm lull. A lullaby was sung softly by the air blowing gently over the waves. I wish Axel was here. I think he would like it. Saix was asleep over his maps that he held dear. Kairi was hugging her knees at the crow's nest. I was sitting feet over-board at the front of the ship. Wishing Axel had his feet over with me, his arm lightly touching mine, just like it was when we were young. I yearned for it so bad it almost felt as if he was there. I imagined him there next to me and felt as if everything was going to be ok. I slipped into the net tied to the front of the ship. I felt calm just imagining him being there. So calm I just lightly fell into a sleep full of dreams full of Axel.


End file.
